Pictured: The King, Obi Nduka Ezeagwuna II in Issele-Uku Kingdom
In my ancestral township in Nigeria, we have an annual occasion known as the Ine Festival. Traditionally, the event has held sacred and social significance as it is utilized as a catalyst to reinforce morality in the town. During the Ine Festival, as per Indigenous tradition, offenses committed by community members are broadcast to the public by way of the speaker reading from a black book to deter comparable offenses in the future.
Reflecting on this event brings the topic of shame in the Nigerian community to my attention. Shame can be a very public emotion and it can be very intense as an individual experiencing this often feels. Feeling incompetent, inadequate, and small is not uncommon when one is experiencing shame. Guilt and shame are used interchangeably however, guilt arises from regret over actions we have taken, and shame results in feeling negative about one’s overall self.
In African society, we are often compared (and do the comparing) to other people. “See your mates. Look at your mates”. Not meeting financial goals, education requirements, relationship requirements, and certain class markers in Nigerian and African society that are culturally expected, in the continent and diaspora can undoubtedly generate feelings of shame. While shame can be used to uphold morality in society as with the example of the Ine festival, it can also produce unnecessary stress, mental health challenges, low self-esteem, jealousy and envy, and a lack of individuality in such communities.
Tips for Overcoming Shame:
1) Establish healthy boundaries: You can think about what you will or will not consume
when it comes to media. What are your rules around community gossip, and comparing
yourself to others?
2) Work with a culturally sensitive therapist who understands where you are coming from.
3) Lean on a healthy support system: Are there friends and family members you can speak
to about your feelings?
4) Speak happiness, joy, and peace over your life: Positive Affirmations may help with this
If you are seeking a new beginning and you need therapy, guidance, and life coaching, speak to me today about starting a New Chapter in your life!
Kevin Ufoegbune
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