Things I Had to Unlearn to Become a Healthier Christian
1. Feeling like I needed Christian influencers to strengthen my faith I eventually felt the need to unfollow Christian influencers on social media. I am not saying everyone should do this, but it has been incredibly good for my mental and spiritual health. I found that too many voices were telling me what God supposedly wanted, while sometimes seeming more invested in their own will, opinions and interpretations. That is human, but it was no longer beneficial to me. Scripture
Sep 101 min read
When Love Requires You to Shrink: Raven-Symoné, Race, and Relationship Insecurity
The recent conversation around Raven-Symoné and her wife has me thinking less about celebrity gossip and more about race, identity and insecurity in relationships. At times, Raven appears to distance herself from the Black cultural significance that has surrounded her career. That can happen for many reasons, including racial trauma, identity conflict or proximity to whiteness and class privilege. We cannot know what is happening internally for her. What concerns me more broa
Sep 101 min read
Strong Does Not Mean Safe: Suicide Prevention in African Communities
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and we need to talk about suicide in African communities. We are losing precious lives, yet suicide is still something many of us struggle to discuss openly. Any mention of wanting to die or end one's life should be taken seriously. It is not simply “attention-seeking.” It can signal that someone is experiencing profound distress and needs support. Part of our silence is cultural. My mother grew up in rural Nigeria, and within traditiona
Sep 82 min read
Onye Mefie, Owe Li Isie Bule: The Seeds We Plant: Reflections on social work, goodness, and reaping what we sow
When I look at this photograph, I see a younger version of myself, very new to social work and with no idea what the future held. I was living in Calgary, building the beginnings of my career as a young Black social work student. I did not know what opportunities would come, what structural barriers I would face, or where the profession would eventually take me. What I did know was that I wanted to help people. When I chose social work, I planted a seed. The values of the pro
Sep 12 min read
Positive Affirmations for Black Men Healing From Heartbreak
My grief is part of being human. I am not weak. And if I feel weak right now, I know I am strong in other areas and can become strong again. It is okay to miss someone and still move on. Missing someone does not mean I need to return to them. Rejection is not a reflection of who I am or what I am worth. I will remain emotionally available for the right people who love and value me. I will love deeply without abandoning myself. Loving someone does not require me to lose myself
Aug 291 min read
Three Things I Have Learned as a Black Male Therapist
Working as a Black male therapist has challenged some of the ways I used to think about mental health, healing and our communities. There are ideas I once repeated easily that I now question much more carefully. These are three things I have learned. 1. I have stopped saying that the Black community has a stigma around mental health I have become uncomfortable with how easily we use the word stigma to explain Black people's relationship with mental health. Black people have a
Aug 293 min read
Marriage: The Final Boss of Being a Nigerian Child
In many of our cultures, especially across West Africa, marriage is treated as a symbol that someone has finally become mature, responsible, and even moral. I believe some of this pressure is reinforced by patriarchy and misogyny, systems that privilege male authority while placing enormous expectations on women. But there is a contradiction we do not talk about enough. In our families, people are suffering from domestic violence and psychological, verbal, physical, and sexua
Aug 292 min read
