Onye Mefie, Owe Li Isie Bule: The Seeds We Plant: Reflections on social work, goodness, and reaping what we sow
When I look at this photograph, I see a younger version of myself, very new to social work and with no idea what the future held. I was living in Calgary, building the beginnings of my career as a young Black social work student. I did not know what opportunities would come, what structural barriers I would face, or where the profession would eventually take me. What I did know was that I wanted to help people. When I chose social work, I planted a seed. The values of the pro
15 hours ago2 min read
Positive Affirmations for Black Men Healing From Heartbreak
My grief is part of being human. I am not weak. And if I feel weak right now, I know I am strong in other areas and can become strong again. It is okay to miss someone and still move on. Missing someone does not mean I need to return to them. Rejection is not a reflection of who I am or what I am worth. I will remain emotionally available for the right people who love and value me. I will love deeply without abandoning myself. Loving someone does not require me to lose myself
3 days ago1 min read
Three Things I Have Learned as a Black Male Therapist
Working as a Black male therapist has challenged some of the ways I used to think about mental health, healing and our communities. There are ideas I once repeated easily that I now question much more carefully. These are three things I have learned. 1. I have stopped saying that the Black community has a stigma around mental health I have become uncomfortable with how easily we use the word stigma to explain Black people's relationship with mental health. Black people have a
3 days ago3 min read
Marriage: The Final Boss of Being a Nigerian Child
In many of our cultures, especially across West Africa, marriage is treated as a symbol that someone has finally become mature, responsible, and even moral. I believe some of this pressure is reinforced by patriarchy and misogyny, systems that privilege male authority while placing enormous expectations on women. But there is a contradiction we do not talk about enough. In our families, people are suffering from domestic violence and psychological, verbal, physical, and sexua
3 days ago2 min read
Who Gets to Be a Man?
Watching this footage of Nigerian performer Area Scatter from decades ago has me thinking about masculinity, belonging, and whose stories we make room for. My own experience of being a man has felt relatively straightforward, but over the years I have become increasingly aware that this is not everyone’s experience. Across the Black diaspora, tremendous pressure can push us to conform to narrow ideas of what men should look like, how we should behave, and how we should expres
4 days ago2 min read
What the Internet Missed About Blake Lively in It Ends With Us
Watching It Ends with Us, I found myself thinking less about the film itself and more about the intense public reaction surrounding Blake Lively. As a psychotherapist and artist, I was struck not only by her performance but by the cruelty directed toward her online during the film’s release. The internet often frames public backlash as righteous accountability, but psychologically, I believe many online “hate trains” are far more complicated than people would like to admit. T
Jul 53 min read
The Psychology of Reinvention
Sometimes reinvention is not a luxury. Sometimes it is survival. People often speak about reinvention as though it is something glamorous or superficial. We imagine a dramatic makeover, a new wardrobe, expensive cosmetic procedures, or a carefully curated social media transformation. But psychologically, reinvention is often much deeper than that. It can emerge after trauma, heartbreak, isolation, burnout, grief, the ending of a relationship, the termination of a job, or simp
Jun 143 min read
